6 Things I Hate About Driving In (And Around) La Vergne

Y’all, I hate this time of year. It appears that there are bad driving conventions in both Nashville and Manchester, disguised as “CMA Music Fest” and “Bonnaroo.” **EDIT: When I was writing this post, originally.** And we’re stuck here in the middle of all of it. I hate driving around during these times for the same reason I hate driving in Florida- you have all the bad driving habits of people from all over the place, so nobody knows how to drive.

There are crappy drivers everywhere, but here are the things I hate about driving around here.

1. To the people who insist on driving down Fergus Road at 25 miles per hour, may a bird of paradise fly up your nose. It takes long enough to drive up Fergus Road at the speed limit of 30 miles per hour. But some people who seem to think that 30 is way too fast. Please, at least go the speed limit.

2. To the people who don’t seem to understand that I can only go as fast as the person in front of me and insist on tailgating me because of the aforementioned people who like to drive slower than the speed limit, may a confused surgeon sew up the wrong hole. I hate being tailgated, that’s why I don’t normally drive slowly. But there’s not a thing I can do about being on a 2 lane road where I can’t pass, and the person in front of me is going painfully slow. Don’t tailgate me, it’s not my fault.

3. To the people on Murfreesboro Road, who like to pull out right in front of me and then drive slowly, may your daughter’s hair grow thick and abundant- all over her face! 45 miles per hour is a great speed. It’s not as fun as, say 70 or 90 (not that I would ever break the law so flagrantly, haha) but 45 is a decent clip to go through town. When you’re pulling out, however, you need to remember that people are going 45 and not pull out right in front of them. If you happen to do that accidentally, then step on the gas so at least you’re not being a total jerk.

4. To pretty much….everyone driving around in the Waldron Road construction mess, may the fleas of a thousand camels nest in your genitalia. We all know what a hot mess that is. And it seems like about 90% of the people driving through there tend to add to the problems. Me, I avoid it like the plague so I’m not adding to the problem.

5. To the people who don’t grasp the concept of driving in snow or rain, may your favorite dog sprout wings and fly away. There appear to be two schools of thought on how you should drive in snow or rain. First- “Holy crap! I’ve got to get home quickly!” These people speed up. Not safe, you jerks. And then the other people who think, “Holy crap! I need to slow waaaaaaaaaaaaaay down.” Then they proceed to drive 10 miles per hour. That’s also not safe. The thing is, I can’t sit here and tell you what is the right speed for conditions. Don’t drive like a maniac or your grandma, that’s all I can say.

6. To the people who don’t understand how the roundabout works, may the hair on your head slide down onto your back. First, it goes counterclockwise. If you don’t know what counterclockwise is, you probably shouldn’t be driving. Second, yield signs mean you should only make a full stop if something is coming. But for God’s sake, stop if there IS something coming.

And a bonus Smyrna gripe:

If you’re turning from Enon Springs Road (heading from, say WalMart) onto South Lowry Street (toward Murfreesboro), please know that S. Lowry is a 4 lane DIVIDED road. That means, turning into the empty left turn lane is really stupid and dangerous. I’ve seen that happen at least 4 times. What are people thinking?

 

Alright, those are just a few of the things that make me irate about other people’s driving around here, what are your pet peeves?

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