Dear Tiny,

I have this cat who likes to “mark” his territory all over my house- on my curtains, on the couch, you name it! How do I make him stop, and what’s the best thing to use to clean it up?

Signed,

CatMommy on Cheryl Lane

Tiny says:

I think you should probably have the cat put to sleep. Cats are evil. Eventually, he will decide to murder you while you sleep. Mark my words. Oh, alright, alright. I actually share a room with a cat named BabyCat. He’s a pretty nice guy other than the fact that he is a stinky cat. I still sleep under the covers, though, lest he decide to murder me while I sleep.

It sounds like your cat is having the same problem I had before the Queen of my house took me to have me tutored. I had this undeniable urge to go around peeing all over things so people knew I had been there. The Queen said something about having me tutored, and they took me to the poky guy’s house. They wrote on my chart something like “neutered.” Who knew that the poky guy had trouble spelling the word “tutored”?

Anyway, don’t worry. Your cat will just love being tutored. I know BabyCat enjoyed it so much he wanted to go back and have it done again. Heh, heh, heh.

As far as cleaning the mess up, the Queen uses something called “Nature’s Miracle” on any pet accidents that occur in this house. Not from me, of course. But there are some really stupid puppies here and a cat that’s older than Methuselah. Accidents sometimes happen, of course. I sure wish an accident would happen to all the other animals that live here.

Want to ask my dog a question? E-mail him at